Thriving Mindfully

Category: Friendship (Page 3 of 3)

A Fire, Fish and Friendship

Meandering through the maze of roads, I finally saw a shade of blue in the distance. I finally found my way to the beach right outside Phuket international airport.
The whole promenade was lined up with five star resorts. I felt a bit out of place riding along with most of my laundry hanging on my bicycle pannier bags.
I saw a few local boys in lifeguard uniforms at the beach.
I approached them and asked,
‘Camping here Okay?’

‘Sleep?’ one of them gestured with his palms making a pillow for his head to rest.

‘Yes Yes, Okay to sleep here?’

‘Yes sleep sleep no problem.’

Happy with the news I leaned my bike against a tree and reached into my bag to find bananas. I offered one to all the life guards there.
They accepted it readily. With further conversation I came to know they were all boys from the village nearby. The youngest one, Om,
was just 9 years old. He would just come with his village friends to the beach to have a good time.
Everyone had a fishing rod with them at all times. They would fish in hope of finding a fat one for dinner.

Over the afternoon, I walked around to find a nice spot to camp. Once I found one, I started setting up my tent. The sun was setting with effortless grace. The horizon, alive even in the final moments of the day’s demise.

Once I finished setting up the tent , I looked around to find Om standing right next to me.
He smiled shyly and muttered something in Thai.
‘Me, no Thai’ I gestured animatedly.

He quickly squatted down and rubbed his palms together and mimed a person warming himself up around a fire.

‘Oh you want to set up a bonfire! But no matches or lighter!’

He ran to his brother who was catching fish on the beach. He paced back happily with a lighter.
We collected kindling from around the place and soon we had a fire set up.

‘Fish, fish!’ he gestured with a stick in hand.
He wanted to barbecue fish !
Fuelled with excitement, he ran to the beach side and started to look for something.
I built on the fire meanwhile.
In a few minutes he came back with two tiny crabs. He poked them into a stick and put them to grill on our little fire.

The sun had sunk into the ocean. He saw his brother retrieve his fishing equipment and walk towards his motorcycle. As if on a deadline, he raced to his brother and whispered in his ear.

Soon I saw him back, right next to me with a big fish in hand.

‘Fish, Fish !’ he declared excitedly. He poked another stick into the fish and set it on top of the fire.
The joy in his spirit knew no bounds!

Soon his brother called his name out loud. He turned to me and waved ‘Bye Bye!’

‘Oh what about your fish Om?’

He pointed his finger at me and said
‘You You!’

He hopped onto motorcycle and sped away to his home in the village. He waved goodbye for as long as his eyes could meet mine.

It is raining at the moment. The fire we set up together has died out.
But the fire he set up in my heart, of a warm friendship, beyond all barriers,
Roars and flourishes with the mighty monsoon breeze.

I Love You

I had been staying at my Hostel in Chiang Mai for four days. The hostel was quite a dynamic place with people checking in and out all the time, changing personality with departures and arrivals.

But in my four day stay, there was one constant in terms of occupancy.
A frail old English gentleman with a disfigured face lay in that quiet corner in the common area, much the same way as I saw him the first time, four days ago.
He didn’t even seem to move. Occasionally he would turn a little with great discomfort to get to an agreeable bodily position.
I felt a bit afraid to approach him. I felt he wanted to be left alone.
As I was leaving the hostel, I mustered the courage to approach him.
I had a few Rose Apples fresh out of the fridge, just at the temperature they taste best at. I patted him on his back and offered it to him.
He opened his uninjured right eye and accepted it.
I left for the next destination soon after.

A week later, I happened to pass through the city again and chose to stay at the same hostel. Much to my surprise, most of it was deserted with people leaving to cooler places in Thailand as compared to a hot and humid Chand Mai.
I entered the common area to find the elderly Englishman still lying at the same spot. This time I felt more responsible to act since there was barely anyone around.

With a ripe mango in my hand I approached him gingerly.

‘How are you?’ I asked.
‘Ah, it’s you!. I am much better than last week. I can finally walk on my own.
You know what happened to me? I fell off a bus after getting nudged by a heavy backpack. Once I got up, I had my money and phone stolen and I did not recall much at all. I forgot my bank passwords, my email…It was like a complete reboot.
Gradually I remembered things and I wrote to my bank to send me a new card. I have just been waiting for it all this while.
I was a reporter for BBC you know, I’ve covered news from war-zones, but never in my life have I felt so lonely and helpless, on a holiday for God’s sake, when I am supposed to be having fun.’

‘That day when you gave me that fruit’ he continued,’ I felt I could eat a hundred of those. I hadn’t eaten in a while and my body didn’t feel ready to accept anything. But since that day, I’ve been eating and recuperating.’

‘How about a mango today?’ I asked him.

‘Oh, I love mangoes. That would be a dilight !’

I left him to savour the mango and retired for the night.
The next day as I was leaving, I stopped to check if I had any food left in the common fridge. I had mangoes and a few packets instant noodles.

I took the food with me to the English man.
‘Care for another mango?’ I asked.
He slowly opened his eyes.
I placed the cold mango in his palms.

‘Oh thank you so much!’

‘Okay, Michael, I am leaving now. I wish you a speedy recovery.’

The staff at the hostel interrupted to inform Michael,

‘He also left noodles for you. You can have for dinner tonight!.

Joining both hands together in gratitude,
He just said,

‘Thank you so much. I love you.’

We waved goodbye and I left the hostel happily.

While bicycling, many questions arose in my mind.
‘It must have been a long time since he made a new friend.’
With age, we lose the openness of making new friends. Kids have a new friend an hour. But adults barely make new friends after an age.
But finding a friend, especially when you need them, in situations you least expect, is such a cathartic joy.
You feel like a child again.

And once the gentleman felt like a child again, it was second nature for him to say ‘I love you.’
That’s something people don’t even say to their spouse after a decade into the marriage. We guard our hearts with utmost caution in the real world. But the moment the heart turns into a child’s , a guarded, 70 year old man, sings these words like the song of a canary.

I also got thinking about
‘How hesitant we are to ask for help. Even sadder is how reluctant we are to help people who could use some.’

It is easy to not help when there are many people witnessing the same problem. We think that ‘someone’ will help. A classic case of diffusion of responsibility.
But once we get past that and be proactive in helping someone in need,
Not only do we gain goodwill, but also the prospect of making a new friend.

As they say, ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed.’ Especially a new friend, who chooses to stop being a bystander, a passive sympathiser.

It helps to keep an open heart.
When you need help, ask for it,
When you are in a position to,
help in the best way you can.
That’s how we create the possibility
Of new friendships,
Of blossoming hearts,
Of having faith in humankind.

I LOVE YOU.

Replenishing Nostalgia

Meeting your old school friends is a special experience, isn’t it?
One of the reasons why we share such a special bond with them is because many of the significant ‘firsts’ in our life happened in their presence. That first crush, first night out, bunking a lecture for the first time, shoplifting, and that heartbreak you thought would pain you your whole life.
The list can go on and on.

Most often when we meet our old friends, we have so many memories to reminisce that we keep talking about the good old times for hours on end.
And since we meet only briefly for lack of time and physical proximity, the little time together is just enough to let nostalgia take over us.
In the presence of old friends we discover where we come from and who we truly are. It’s something you cannot expect from friends you meet later in your life.

But there is an issue with the premise of meeting old friends. The brief time we meet for barely gives us time to create new memories. Still drowning in the warmth of nostalgia, we seldom find time to do something new together.
Shouldn’t we be creating fresh memories so that we keep feeding the nostalgia box?
Or would we still be reminiscing the same good old days all our lives?

To have memorable friendships early on in life is a gift. It is one of the most resilient bonds in human relationships.
I believe there should be a steady pursuit among old friends to create things together in the new reality we live in.
Technology has enabled us to connect and collaborate in wizardly ways.

Among old friends, the collective expertise of a diverse background should be harnessed to cultivate a fresh playground, the new-old school, a supportive environment that enables us to thrive like a rainforest.

The choice of activity can vary from person to person. For instance, I choose to write handwritten letters to my friends in this day and age. And we question, challenge, educate and inspire each other with each letter exchange.
The choice of engagement is in our hands depending on mutual interests.

Friends must always strive to make fresh memories, collaborate, create stuff and go through challenging experiences together. That’s when things can go wrong. And that’s how the best memories are made.
There are many ‘first’ yet to be experienced together if we choose to imagine the possibilities.
And that’s how we can keep feeding the nostalgia box.

In the interest of creating newer stories today, so that they can serve as nostalgia of the future.

Imagine.

Begin.

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